You are so smart and sometimes a little sneaky too. You are also fast and decisive, so when opportunity presents itself, you strike with fury. Lately, I find myself making constant judgement calls and calculated decisions about every day kind of things because when you’re involved, I have to first ask myself, “What price am I willing to pay to accomplish xyz task?”
To Pee or Not to Pee
Take, for example, the simple act of peeing – something a mother should be able to do once or twice a day (or, if you happen to be a pregnant mother, then 42 times per day). And while the need to pee is not a life or death kind of issue, sometimes, the things that happen downstairs when I choose to go pee can escalate quickly.
The 48 seconds that it takes me to get upstairs, use the bathroom and get back downstairs can be creatively utilized for all sorts of fun projects when you’re a 2 year old wild child. Sometimes, it’s fairly harmless, like when you pull out every item from every cabinet and make a huge pile on the living room floor. But other times, it gets crazy. Like when you push the ottoman into the kitchen and use it to climb onto the counter, get out your kid’s vitamins, and eat as many as possible before I come back down. Or, when you climb up onto the counter to get into the cabinet where I thought I hid the scissors. Yikes. And then there was that time you stacked couch cushions in the entry way so you could reach the car keys. By the time I got downstairs, you were out front playing inside the car (you had unlocked it yourself and were throwing loose change everywhere, yelling, “Coins! Coins!”).
And then there are those occasional times when I make the scary decision to actually answer the phone while I am the only one home with you. It’s a bad idea every time. And the longer the call, the more you are able to destroy while I am distracted and one-handed. Cereal poured all over the floor. Writing on the wall. Kitchen sink overflowing with water. All of your clean clothes in your dirty diaper pail. Yes, you’ve done it all. And you do it all with one eye on me, knowing that this is your moment and unless I rudely and abruptly end my call, you can just run from one area to the next, and before I can stop you or clean up the first thing, you start to destroy the second.
The best was the time I thought we could play outside while I was on the phone. But instead what happened is I made the mistake of sitting down and you ran right by me back into the house, slammed the door closed, and locked me out. I had a moment of panic, trying to think through what the heck I would do if you wouldn’t/couldn’t open the door…especially since you could have easily run right out the front door and escaped into the neighborhood while I remained trapped in the backyard, which has no exit except through the house. In my normal life, I would have jumped the fence and run through the neighbors yard, but then I remembered the whole issue of the large belly and non coordinated body that I am working with these days. Not ideal for fence jumping. Luckily, you opened the door…and you were cracking up at the whole scenario and were totally unfazed by the look of terror on my face.
The Bottom Line
So, it really just comes down to this… I can go to the bathroom and I can answer the phone, but at what cost? ‘Cause my boy is fast and tricky!