Momma has not done a great job of keeping up with your very 21st century baby book (this blog), but I am back to it now and ready to catch you up on all that’s been happening in your life this past year. Our days together are so precious and so full of fun. It’s amazing to think that you really won’t have any memory of this time in your life. And in all honesty, I apparently have no room in my brain to store memories prior to about 3 days ago, so this is important for me too. I’ve got to do a better job of recording this time for us to look back on someday. I owe it to us…and plus, Daddy keeps asking me to blog
Lately I have been so flooded with the reality of your significance in our lives. I guess this hits me hardest when Daddy and I are out for a few hours without you from time to time (yes, we actually leave you occasionally…and by the way, I have a bone to pick with you over the fact that you don’t seem to care!). Don’t get me wrong, we enjoy our time together alone very much. But it’s just bizarre that we have to make an effort to talk about something beside YOU! And then I wonder, “How is this possible that I lived 26? (not sure how old I am) years of my life – meaningful years, mind you! – prior to your existence and never thought that I was missing anything?” Well, I guess it’s because God’s timing is perfect and he had a different set of responsibilities for us back then.
Before I was your mommy, I remember just struggling to relate to those parents who seemed to be to be “obsessed” with their kids. And even now, I want to always make it a priority in our family to be outward focused…to have a bigger view of the world and our place in it than just what happens between us and inside the walls of our house.
But, I guess what I have realized more now is that because God blessed us with you and because you are our primary responsibility right now, our outward focus actually starts with you (and future children we will hopefully one day have).
This concept brings me back to a conversation I had with a good friend a few years ago – back in the olden days when I was not a mom, but was somehow still really busy (a topic for another blog!). Rita Henderson is admirable in so many ways, but here are a few things I love most about her: she is genuine, drama-free and she sincerely loves her family with every fiber of her being.
One day, over a conversation about parenthood, Rita was helping me think through some of the practical aspects of navigating life as a parent (Daddy and I were just in the “thinking about the potential-maybe-could be-someday existence of you stage) when she suddenly got a little choked up. She managed to get through the words she was working to express with just a mist in her eyes, but I could tell that deep in her heart there was a wellspring ready to unload a fountain of emotion over the truth that she was about to convey to me.
She said (about her daughter): “She is everything that’s right in the world.”
Back then, it hit me as being something significant (so much so that I have actually remembered it now for more than 3 days). But I could never fully understand it until having you in our lives as a toddler. Now I see exactly what she meant.
Yes, you are stained with sin just like the rest of us. Yes, you have your moments. But when I watch you dance your little heart out (you LOVE music) and stare wide-eyed at some wondrous thing (like a parade at Sesame Place), I rediscover a little nugget of fresh hope that would have otherwise been lost in life’s crazy whirlwind of yesterday’s regrets, today’s demanding schedule and tomorrow’s unknowns.
And what I see in you is something I want for myself. I know it’s hope that makes me joyful because I can see God bigger. I know that when we can grasp a piece of truth that reminds us of all the good things God made, of how he is still working in us to redeem and make new, we find that childlike faith He’s called us to. For you, it is effortless. What a blessing! With your heart full of faith, joy and wonder, you are (literally) dancing through your days with the most innocent, pure freedom in His love.
You remind me of all that’s right in the world.
I’ll never call this world my home and I’ll never look to it for my ultimate fulfillment, but it’s always helpful to get grounded in this: that God is good and his goodness seeps through the cracks of our brokenness. It seems that little ones have a special way of revealing that goodness and I’m thankful to you, my precious little man, for helping me finally understand exactly what Rita meant.