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You Know You’re Pregnant If…

This post is for baby “Rae” (or whatever we’re going to name you). And it’s for me…so we can both remember what you’re doing to me during this pregnancy. 🙂 You’ve actually been very good to me, but there are just so many funny things that come along with pregnancy in general and I wanted to document some of the best ones.

You know you’re pregnant if…

There’s no comfortable position except for laying down. Sitting up cramps the baby too much and standing is rough on the feet. It’s just tough to know where to put yourself.

Nothing in the world feels better than a foot rub at the end of a long day.

Many times when you laugh or sneeze, you involuntarily pee a little. Always good.

You find that you are half consciously muttering to yourself under your breath as you walk, “Stop waddling, stop waddling….”

Some other person’s legs must have come in one night, stolen your real legs and taken up residence at your hip joints.

You often struggle to think of the word you want to say, so you resort to awkward hand motions and grunting, hoping that someone will fill in the blank.

You have dreams that would make you millions if they could be turned into movies.

Eating has real consequences. There’s gas, and heartburn, and then the baby’s reaction to what you ate, which could include any combination of gymnastics, lap swimming and parkour in utero.

For some reason, there is really no concern in your mind over the fact that someone (or multiple someones) may have just seen your underwear. And the very fact that you find yourself frequently in these kinds of situations to begin with – a clear indication of pregnancy. [Think large belly in the way while trying to awkwardly bend down to put on toddler’s shoes while wearing a dress.] In these moments, you dismiss any sense of concern over potential inappropriateness by simply reminding yourself, “You are pregnant.” This statement seems to make flashing people somehow just not count. And it’s sort of true. Let’s be honest…no one is looking.

The noises coming from your hips and lower back are reminiscent of the Rice Krispies’ tagline: “snap, crackle, pop.”

When you get in bed at night, you feel like you earned it big time. Ahhh, finally! The luxury of rest. Getting off your feet and curling up around a great body pillow (awesome invention) is your reward for a long, demanding day. And then you realized you mostly sat in a chair all day and ate snacks.



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